Sunday, September 19, 2010

Is That a gel pack in your pocket or are you just happy to see me???

Well race fans (Mom and Dad):

I am back.  I have had some of the roughest four weeks I have had in a row in a LONG time.

There has been severe illness, torn up ankle, dive trips to Corpus for work, big projects due at work, broken bones in the family, death in the family, trips back home on airplanes with too many screaming kids and not enough booze, break ups with boys, fights with parents, and an overall lack of enthusiasm for anything other than sweat pants and my teddy bear.

In these weeks I have only run a few times each week and still haven't broken 6.5 miles.  In fact this week I only ran once and missed my run on the weekend.

In truth I have been broken - emotionally.  I haven't felt this down and blue-y since I was on crutches from the shattered leg and kept getting knocked down by one of four dogs onto tile floors.

I did run about 2.5 miles on a treadmill while I was in Maryland with the family.  But mostly I hid in a shell and pretended not to be present.  The run was both frustrating and a relief.  I was slow, I was hurt, and I ran hard - but still not hard enough.  In the end I just felt empty.

This week I went out on Tuesday to run sprints at the track.  It was a slightly better day.  There was no warm-up, I just ran.  I only completed a full mile, but I went out hard on the straight-aways and relaxed on the turns.  And while I felt good for a little while - music blaring, shoes flying - I cramped.

Big time.

My right leg locked down so fast and hard it was like being hit in the leg with a hammer.

I tried a bit more, but wound up limping back to the car ticked off at yet another work out that was an epic fail.

I need a pep talk here people!  I am in serious doubt mode.  I need to find inner peace, inner strength.  I need to find my freak flag and fly it proudly again because lately I have been waving around the banner of shame and defeat.

I know that my blog has changed and may no longer be the funny bits that you enjoy - but I am not always a cheerful person - shocker - I know.

I have had a lot of hurdles in my life, sometimes I have quit - sometimes I haven't.  Sometimes I can face the trials with smiles and light, sometimes with beer and sarcasm.  But this - it's hard.

But I am not quitting this.  I do love running - most days.  But these last weeks I have loathed getting out of bed.  I don't think it is the running I am hiding from - but life itself.

So here is my new plan - no more ostrich-ing.  I must make my own sunshine since it is playing a game of hide and go f-youself with me.

So tomorrow - sunshine and happiness.  Rainbows and kittens (and no Mom - I promise I won't be bringing home a new cat).  But I am pretty sure the sarcasm will still be there - sorry for that.

I will set my alarm for 0530.  I will sleep in my running clothes.  I will set out my shoes.  I will get my lazy butt out of my hidey-hole and face the day and the next few weeks.  I will do this with a grimace and a grunt.

But I will do this.

Go team go - HTFU

1 comment:

  1. Hey kid, sorry you're having a rough time. Consider this your virtual pep talk.

    Remember, this is a journey. You're not just going to wake up one day and be able to run a half marathon -- if that were the case, it wouldn't be anything special.

    On the other hand, you can't get there if you don't PLAN and stick to your plan. Travel and family emergencies come up, but don't let silly boys get in the way of your training. ;-)

    1) slow down & breathe
    2) remind yourself of your recent accomplishments, you've come a long way this year already
    3) try to remember where you're going and why
    4) breathe again.
    5) get a massage - it's good for your running muscles as well as your psyche.
    6) Treat yourself to a new running playlist on your ipod/phone. Sometimes a good song makes all the difference.
    7) New mantra - shut up and run. :-) Your body can do this, even if your brain tries to fight you every step of the way.